3. Robot Monster

Now this is a Sci-fi! I think my only complaint is that the whole movie is a little boy’s dream. This is made painfully obvious right from the start so I really don’t see what the point of it was. It’s a damn Sci-fi; what’s the point in presenting it as a dream? Can’t it just be a world where robot monsters really do exist? Whatever. So this kid’s (Johnny) dream starts with this pointless fight between lizards. It’s one of the laziest lizard fight’s I’ve ever seen. The two lizards bight each other’s jaws and then repeatedly roll over for a while. Now for the good stuff; the “robot monster” (Ro-Man) is some guy wearing a huge gorilla costume and a space helmet. He’s truly amazing. So the little boy Johnny and his family are pretty much the only people alive on Earth because apparently Ro-Man killed everyone else. There is little Johnny, his Mom, his Dad, his little sister, his older sister, and this other dude. The older sister doesn’t like the other dude because he is condescending to her but towards the end of the film they are hiding from Ro-Man in the bushes and then they start to make-out and then they get married. They have the dad perform the marriage rights in what turns out to be one of the most retarded and pointless marriages since the one dude dies a couple minutes later; but at least he got married shirtless, which is badass! The dialogue and acting in this movie are superb. At one point Johnny confronts Ro-Man and says, “I think you’re just a bully picking on people smaller than you,” to which Ro-Man replies, “Now I will kill you.” I know, it’s great. There are a ton of shots of Ro-Man out wandering around while some suspenseful music is playing; well, Ro-Man doesn’t actually walk as much as he just stumbles around with his arms starched out in front of him (not very far though, because his monkey suit is so huge that it doesn’t permit of much flexibility). Ro-Man is definitely one of the most un-intimidating and lazy monsters ever conceived. At one point he is abducting the older sister and she says, “How is it your so strong Ro-Man, it seems impossible,” and of course Ro-Man responds by telling the girl what his weakness is. However, this isn’t actually relevant to the plot since this revealed weakness has absolutely nothing to do with the defeat of Ro-Man. In the end Ro-Man starts to “turn Human”, kind of, since he has a crush on the older sister. This makes Ro-Man’s boss (who is apparently monitoring Ro-Man from a spaceship) mad and he proceeds to unleashes some sort of death-ray on the earth which kills Ro-Man. Then for some reason we see another scene of that that retarded fighting scene between the two lizards rolling on the ground. Then we find out that it’s all a dream and Johnny says to the others, “You’re alive!? Her too? Boy was that a dream or what!?” It sure was Johnny, it sure was.

Score: 5